More Than Love
by broken87
Summary: AU. Marissa and Alex have been together for three years, but it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies.
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the O.C. I'm strictly borrowing them in order to bring life to my own little world. I also don't own the song "More Than Love" by Sweetbox.**

**Summary: Marissa and Alex have been together for 3 years, but it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies.**

**More Than Love**

**Part 1**

It was another busy night at the Bait Shop. The music blaring from the speakers created the intense energetic mood everyone longed for on a Friday night. All around, people were dancing and drinking and having fun. All, that is, but one…

Marissa sat alone in a far corner booth, mindlessly playing with her drink as her eyes stayed glued on a certain blonde girl at the bar. If anyone had spoken to her throughout the night, she wouldn't have noticed, as it was taking all her strength to even be sitting there. Yet she sat there helplessly as she stared at Alex, her girlfriend of nearly three years, serve customer after customer and openly flirting with each and every one of them. It didn't seem to matter if she had a girlfriend anymore…

Feeling her eyes starting to tear up, she gathered her things and started towards the spiral staircase. And as she reached the upper level, she slowly approached the rail and leaned over it, glancing just in time to see her girlfriend seductively running her fingers up and down some girl's arm. A tear finally made its way down her cheek as she turned around and exited the club.

It was a chilly night. Marissa had to wrap her arms around herself as she slowly walked back to the house she shared with the girl she loved dearly. It was the same one floor unit Alex had lived in before they'd met, while Marissa was still in high school. They'd only been together a few months before she'd moved in and even though the house was a bit small for two people, they'd decided it held too many memories to leave behind.

She remembered how everyone had been wary of them. How they thought they were being foolish and rushing into things. Marissa understood their concerns. After all, they'd been only seventeen and Alex, being emancipated from her parents, had to earn her own living and there were times when the rent had been paid late. But none of that mattered to Marissa. She was more then sure of her feelings for Alex and there was nowhere else she'd rather be...

Reaching her destination, Marissa reached into her purse for her keys and with a shaky hand, she managed to unlock the door. She let it open fully and turned on the light. The warmth and comfort she used to feel in this house had faded. She glanced at the ocean and how it crashed violently against the shore a couple of feet away. Its waves were as cold and empty as she felt.

She walked through the house as a stranger. The familiarity was gone as she slowly made her way along the hall and when she reached the bedroom, another tear escaped her eye as she recalled the memories they'd made in that room, all the love they'd once shared. Marissa carefully sat on the bed and ever so softly touched Alex's side. The indents on their pillows had grown farther apart and Marissa could barely recall how it felt to be held by Alex. Her tears were becoming more frequent as a chocked sob echoed through the silent house. She turned her gaze to her night table, where a single frame sat in the sole company of a beautiful music box. Her fingers grazed the small item as she thought back to her eighteenth birthday, when Alex had given it to her. She remembered the spark in Alex's eyes as she eagerly pushed her to open it, only to reveal a beautiful heart shaped necklace inside. The same necklace Marissa still wore around her neck. She turned her attention to the frame and a small smile appeared on her face as she gazed lovingly at the picture of her and Alex happily wrapped in each other's arms. Another throaty sob was heard as she picked it up and held it as firmly as she could in her trembling hands. She couldn't hold back the tears any longer as she gently traced the figure with her fingertips.

She knew this was it.

Wiping the tears from her eyes with forced determination, Marissa stood up and walked to the closet. She pulled out a suitcase and placed it on the bed. Knowing she didn't have long until Alex finished work, she hurriedly started pilling her stuff into the bag. Once the suitcase was full, she grabbed a duffle bag and threw in the last of her possessions, including the photograph and the music box. She knew there was no turning back as she carried the bags across the threshold and into the living room. With a final glance around the place she once called home, Marissa turned off the lights and closed the door, leaving behind nothing but a letter on the coffee table with her keys on top.

And as her broken sobs faded with the wind as she drove further into the night, the words she'd just written echoed in her mind…

_My dearest Alex,_

_I know your dreams and I know your cries… each breath I've memorized… And I would do anything to help you win your fight. But it's not enough to make you smile. It's never enough, but what more can I give? _

_I see the searching in your eyes and I feel helpless by your side. So many spaces I can't fill, but God knows how hard I try. You say you need more and I die inside. You always need more, but what more can I give?_

_More then love? More then this? More then what's in these two hands?_

_More then love… more then me?? _

_No matter what I do it's never good enough for you!_

_I'm trying to be everything that you need. I'm barely breathing and you're still not happy. After all that I've done, all I've become, it's never good enough for you. _

_For what's more than love? Tell me what's more than love. Tell me what's more than this. What is it that you need that I can never be? Tell me what's more than love… Tell me what's more than me. Cause I can't give more than I am. _

_I'm sorry._

_- Marissa._

**A/N: This fic is quite old, but it's my first complete story. If there's any interest, I'll post the rest.**


	2. Part 2

Finalhybrid: woo-hoo i have a fan!! hehe. thanks. glad you're enoying it and just to prove how happy i am, i'm updating another part :)

**More Than Love**

**Part 2**

It had been six months.

Six months since Alex had walked into their house and found it empty. Six months since she ran from room to room and noticed Marissa's belongings were gone. Six months since she panicked while trying to reach Marissa and only getting her voicemail. Six months… and Alex was still broken…

She was at the beach. Sitting in the very same spot where she and Marissa had shared their first kiss. She'd been going there very frequently since that day, and just like all the other times, her only companion was the half empty bottle of vodka held firmly in her hand. And so used was she to the alcohol, that she didn't even squint as she took a long swig from the bottle.

Alex reached into her back pocket and took out Marissa's letter. She had lost count of how many times she'd read it. And as much as it hurt her, she couldn't help reading it over and over again. She knew Marissa had been right and she knew she deserved the pain she was going through. But as she thought about how much she'd hurt Marissa, how unwanted and unloved she'd made her feel, a single tear escaped her bloodshot eyes, landing heavily on the sand.

After downing the rest of the alcohol, Alex got up and headed back to the house. Stepping inside, she once again felt overpowered by the emptiness that surrounded her. A feeling she never got while Marissa lived there.

She missed Marissa… She missed how tidy she was. She missed being used as a guinea pig for her cooking. She missed how she'd always put clothes out for her when she was running late. She missed the little notes she'd leave around the house every time she had to go before she even got up. She missed Marissa to the point where nothing else mattered nor existed.

She was exhausted. Something she only realized when her boss started sending her home.

She needed Marissa… the girl was her strength, her light, her life… and she cursed herself for never telling her that. But now it was too late and Marissa was seeing someone else. Alex's hands balled into fists as she pictured another girl touching her Marissa, kissing her and loving her. Then she chastised herself for once again thinking of Marissa as hers…

The door to their bedroom was still closed. She hadn't slept in there since that night, always opting for the old couch instead. She refused to think of the bedroom as anything but "theirs" and had vowed to only sleep in their bed when Marissa returned…

But she knew Marissa wasn't coming back… she knew it was over… but she couldn't bring herself to even think of moving on. There was just no life without Marissa.

And with nothing but Marissa on her mind, Alex slowly laid down on the couch and closed her eyes, longing for dreams that would bring the girl back into her arms.

**A/N: should i post the next part??**


	3. Part 3

Finalhybrid: Awesome! And here's the next part just for you :P

**More Than Love**

**Part 3**

This wasn't where she wanted to be. She hadn't been here since that faithful night six long months ago and the last place she wanted to be was at the Bait Shop. Marissa stood frozen at the entrance, unable to move any further as she thought about running into her former love interest.

But who was she kidding? She knew deep down she wanted nothing more than to see the beautiful blonde that still held her heart. Marissa had long ago accepted the fact that no matter how many dates she went on, how many people she'd be with, no one would ever take Alex's place. She was the love of her life. Simple as that and there was nothing she could ever do about it.

Taking a deep breath, Marissa made her way inside and leaned over the rail. Seeing no sign of Alex anywhere, she made her way down the spiral staircase and towards the bar. After being served her drink, she took a seat on one of the stools and turned towards the newly built stage situated at the end of the dance floor. That was the reason Marissa decided to come. A friend had told her about the live gigs that took place once a week there and she'd been curious to check it out. And as she patiently waited for the show to start, she couldn't help reminiscing on the various concerts Alex used to take her to…

She was brought out of her reverie however, when the music suddenly faded out and a single spotlight lighted the stage. She noticed the black piano sitting in the center and found herself getting excited for the first time in months. But as she felt her mobile vibrating in her bag and turned her gaze down to look for the device, she missed the figure slowly making their way onto the stage and taking a seat at the piano. Applause rung in the air as Marissa hurriedly replied to the text message, annoyed at the interruption, and threw her phone back into her purse. But all movement stopped as her breath caught in her throat the moment a very familiar voice started filling the air.

"_She doesn't smile like me  
She doesn't make you weak  
And she'll never know how to make you laugh  
But she won't make you cry, she'll never break your heart like I used to  
If you only knew all the words I couldn't say… _

_When I close my eyes I see you  
In my dreams you will be near  
Won't let you disappear  
But I'm here on my own  
When I close my eyes and listen  
I am crying out for you in the center of my heart  
But I'm here on my own.."_

_Alex_, Marissa couldn't help saying to herself. Though the blonde had never left her mind, she never thought she'd see her again. It felt surreal that after all the times she'd already postponed going to the Bait Shop, she had decided to come when the love of her life was performing onstage, singing a song that no doubt was dedicated to her (as Marissa had learned from a friend that Alex had never attempted dating after she'd left).

She could see a change in Alex. The arrogance she'd become accustomed to was no longer there and instead she saw only sadness and regret. And although this saddened the brunette, a small smile formed on Marissa's face as she finally realized the toll their breakup had taken on Alex.

_  
"You used to hear me breathe  
When you touched me deep  
Can you hear the sounds?  
Can you feel the heat?  
I was just too scared to let you own the deepest part of me  
I've left paradise  
And I did not even say goodbye… _

_When I close my eyes I see you  
In my dreams you will be near  
Won't let you disappear  
But I'm here on my own  
When I close my eyes and listen  
I am crying out for you in the center of my heart  
But I'm here on my own_

_I think I'm over you  
But it's not true  
It's just a lighter shade of blue  
I think I'm over you  
But it's not true  
It's just a lighter shade of, a lighter shade of blue…"_

A tear ran down Alex's cheek as the last verse left her lips. She'd been dreading this performance for weeks, but she was glad she finally got to let it out…

Singing had become almost therapeutic and as she'd been keeping everything bottled up, she had a lot to work with when she started songwriting. And of course, it was no surprise that everything she wrote revolved around Marissa, the girl she'd let slip away...

When the applause slowly brought her out of her thoughts, Alex forced a smile as she gazed over the cheering crowd. But everything suddenly froze as Alex locked eyes with the unmistakable warm greens of none other than Marissa.

Her blood started pumping furiously in her veins and she could hardly breathe. After all this time, she was finally gazing at Marissa… and she looked as beautiful as ever…

She couldn't help herself. She ran off the stage and forced her way among the crowd towards the bar. She couldn't bare this being an illusion and nearly fell over as she halted right in front of Marissa. And although ecstatic to once again be in Marissa's presence, Alex was somewhat (pleasantly) surprised to find that Marissa hadn't made an attempt to leave.

They just stood there, staring at each other with silent longing. There was no mistaking them for anything but lost lovers.

Pushing through her nerves, and knowing this would probably be her only opportunity to talk to Marissa, Alex gulped before letting out a silent, "Hey"

_God that sounded pathetic_, she thought as Marissa just nodded softly in response.

There was no use beating around the bush. Neither one had ever been a fan of small talk. So Alex motioned towards the exit and after receiving another nod from Marissa, they left the club.

Both remained silent as they walked towards the pier. Alex kept stealing glances at Marissa and as the brunette casually leaned against the railing, Alex stood amazed at how even the simplest of movements still caused countless of feelings to stir within her.

"What are you thinking about?" Marissa softly whispered, her gaze still straight ahead.

"You…" Alex replied honestly, "How beautiful you are…"

She could see a sad smile appear on Marissa's face and for a moment she smiled too. But just as quickly, that smile vanished and Alex finally tore her eyes from the brunette. She leaned against the railing as well, making sure to leave enough distance between them.

"I'm sorry…" the blonde whispered.

Marissa sighed. "I know you are…"

Struggling with her words, Alex tried asking, "How's umm…" but seeing the look Marissa was giving her, she instantly said, "I'm sorry… it's none of my business…"

She could tell Marissa was starting to get frustrated, although she was trying not to show it. It was one of the things Alex had always loved about Marissa… and taken advantage of…

"You finally got over your stage fright…" the brunette stated.

Alex nodded. "Because of you"

Marissa glanced at Alex and their eyes locked once more. But once again, Marissa turned away.

"It was beautiful…"

"I meant it Marissa…" Alex stated firmly, "I haven't stopped thinking about you…"

"Alex…"

"Marissa please… just let me say this…" Alex pleaded desperately.

Marissa appeared to be weighing her options as she focused on the dark horizon in front of them. Letting out a breath, the brunette turned to face the blonde and crossed her arms over her chest as she waited to hear what she had to say.

"I'm sorry…" Alex started, "I'm so so sorry…"

"What exactly are you apologizing for?" Marissa asked, her serious expression intimidating Alex profusely.

"For letting you down…"

"Letting me down?!" Marissa asked in disbelief, "Alex you did far more then let me down..."

Alex gulped nodding. She'd never seen this side of Marissa before and it was making her feel smaller by the minute.

"I know… and I'm sorry… I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for not showing you how much you mean to me. I'm sorry for making you feel unwanted…"

"Unwanted?" Marissa asked somewhat amused at Alex's choice of word, "Try unimportant, insignificant… and inexistent…"

"Marissa I…"

"Do you have any idea how much you truly hurt me?" Marissa asked harshly as she advanced towards Alex, "How much it killed me every time I saw you flirting with those girls?"

"I…" Alex let out as she stumbled slightly taking a step back.

"Did you even care how I felt? Or did you just assume I'd never do anything about it?"

Alex had no reply. For the first time ever she was rendered speechless out of fear by Marissa.

"That's what I thought…" Marissa then whispered, "Do you have any idea how painful it is not to be with you? To still love you even after everything you've put me through?"

"I'm sorry…" Alex said again. Tears were rapidly forming in her eyes and she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Sorry doesn't cut it Alex…" Marissa whispered before turning around and walking away.

"Marissa please!" Alex begged as she quickly caught up with Marissa and grabbed her arm, "Please Marissa I love y-"

"Don't" Marissa cut her off harshly as she suddenly stopped walking and turned around angrily to face the blonde, "Don't you dare say it…"

Not knowing what else to do, Alex threw her arms around Marissa, holding onto her for dear life.

"Alex let go of me!" Marissa demanded as she struggled to free herself from the blonde's grasp.

But Alex wouldn't budge. She shook her head in response and wrapped her arms around her tighter while crying out, "I'm sorry… Marissa I'm so sorry…"

"Alex let go of me!" Marissa yelled as she roughly pushed Alex away from her.

Alex stood there broken as Marissa gave her a look of disgust before once again turning around.

With panic written all over her face, Alex could only think of one final attempt to show Marissa how much she truly loved her. She ran up to Marissa and once again grabbed her arm. She roughly turned her around and crashed her lips against the brunette's. But the moment Marissa regained her footing, she instantly pulled away and slapped Alex hard across the face.

Both had tears in their eyes as Alex held a hand over her burning cheek. But without a second thought, she grabbed Marissa yet again and pulled her into another kiss. Alex couldn't help letting out a strangled moan as she felt Marissa's hands cupping her face this time. And as the kiss intensified, Alex wrapped her arms around Marissa's waist, pulling her as close to her as physically possible.

When breathing became an issue and they finally broke the kiss, their eyes locked for a moment as fresh tears started falling and they held each other close in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry…" Alex couldn't help whispering once again, "I'm so sorry… please forgive me… please… I love you Marissa…"

Marissa let out a shaky breath as she chocked a sob before ever so softly whispering in Alex's ear, "I love you too"

**A/N: the song Alex sings is "Here On My Own" by Sweetbox**


	4. Part 4

Finalhybrid: thanks for the continuous feedback. I greatly appreciate it :)

Bound Dragon: COOL ANOTHER FAN!! lol.

**More Than Love**

**Part 4**

The night had finally gone silent as the reunited lovers laid asleep in their bed. Hours had passed since they'd left the pier and headed back to the house they'd once shared...

No more words were said. None were needed. They shut out the world as they shut the door and nothing else mattered but them…

They spent hours making love… tenderly getting lost in each other and finally feeling whole knowing this was where they belonged…

With arms wrapped tightly around each other, Alex and Marissa simply laid there, relishing the comfort and security they'd lacked for too long.

Marissa had fallen asleep a while ago. Her steady breathing filled the air as Alex remained wide awake, gently running her fingers up and down the girl's slender arm. She couldn't fall asleep. The feel of Marissa's naked body pressed against hers felt heavenly and she wanted to cherish it for as long as possible. She somehow feared this was a dream… that none of this was happening… that she was going to wake up in the morning on the couch and Marissa wouldn't be there…

A tear escaped her eye at the thought and fell on Marissa's shoulder, causing her to stir. Blue eyes met green and everything felt right again.

"I'm sorry" Alex whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you…"

Marissa remained silent as she gently caressed the blonde's cheek. "What's wrong?" she softly asked as she wiped the tears with her thumb.

"Nothing" Alex replied. She reached for Marissa's hand and brought it to her lips, "Nothing's wrong when you're here…"

Marissa smiled softly at this and gently pulled Alex on top of her. She brushed the blonde's hair back and raised herself just enough to tenderly touch her lips to Alex's.

A shaky breath escaped Alex when they broke the kiss. "I love you…" she whispered, "So much…"

Marissa smiled and kissed her again. She laid back down and pulled Alex to her, making the blonde rest her head on her chest. Alex in turn wrapped her arms protectively around her waist and Marissa placed a kiss on her head before running her fingers through her golden locks.

And as night gave way to the early morning, all was right with the world as Alex heard Marissa whispering, "I love you too… I always have and I always will…"

The End.

**A/N: ok so that was the end for this one. Thanks for the support. I'm going to continue posting "I Can't Stay Away", so hopefully, you'll enjoy that one too. Thanks again :)**


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